We live our lives sharing 99% of it with the people around us, yet the 1% that truly tells our life’s story is seldomly told, if at all.

I read the reference above on Adrian Kulp’s Dad or Alive blog, who is probably half responsible for Learner Dad.

When I was told we were expecting a child, and I shared this part of the story with my friends, some referred me to books, such as We’re Pregnant!, others said there was no need.

I did both. I read the book and also just went along with it. I transitioned between fervent interest in reading up on becoming a father, and nonchalant confidence that it could wait another day, if at all.

That was 99% of how I used my energy.

Yet the part of me that I did not share – the 1% – was probably the most meaningful part of this journey to parenthood, the part that I was afraid of the most, and the part that till today continues to cause me sleepless nights: Am I competent enough to raise a child?

To a great extent I still am a child, and chastise the hospital for allowing me to walk out of the ward with a brand new person to raise when I can barely take care of myself at times.

And this is what I find tends to happen when discussing topics that are socially sensitive; people tend to hide away this 1% that could enable them to live a much more fulfilling 99% of their lives. Especially among men, discussing issues of personal, professional vulnerability is cause for much discomfort, insecurity, stress and even violence. 

Research carried out by Equimundo.org reveals that the ‘man box‘ – a context where being emotionally vulnerable is frowned upon – has cost the US alone over $15.7 billion as a result of traffic accidents, suicide, depression, sexual violence, bullying, and binge drinking. In the Uk the cost is estimated to be of £3.8 billion. The cause for this, the refusal to seek help, resolving to violence or alcohol to resolve conflict and problems, and sticking to stereotypical render/role behaviour.

Unlike ‘popular’ narrative, the man box is far from a strength. It is actually what keeps men from telling the 1% of their life that is most significant to their journey.

Learner Dad is about exploring that 1%. Not to expose frailty for ridicule, but rather for personal growth.

When we see a grand old Sequoia Tree standing tall, we acclaim the stature above the ground. What we fail to see is that the strength of the shrub lives beneath the surface. Only strong roots enable the Sequoia to stand tall and whether the elements for centuries.

What is beneath the surface of what new parents put on display is what will make a great dad. A Learner Dad embraces the potential periodical frailties of the roots, and seeks counsel, and support to ensure they are set in a way to endure longevity. 

That 1% is where we all need to start. It is probably even more than 1%, but let’s start small and work our way through it. 

My 1% is my fear of not being able to cater for my child. To live up to the needs of bringing a human into this world. To be humble enough yet confident enough to take the right decisions without getting lost in my own man box.

Learner Dad is my first step, what’s yours?